(She knows who she is too)

I'll write her private number down
On public walls in loathsome places
And I will hire a circus clown
To strut behind her, making faces

I'll send her fifty Chinese dinners
I'll send cards changing her address
I'll print her name among the winners
Of some huge fictional largesse

I'll put her on the mailing lists
Of the Scientologists,
The holocaust revisionists,
And the Aesthetic Realists

I will describe her inmost dreams
On some talk show on TV
Why she's not the way she seems
Some things nobody knows but me

I'll say she's only snorting meth
Because she doesn't want to scar
And how she bores her friends to death
By whining that she's not a star

I'll have a flack announce that she'll
Soon be marrying a rat
Next day the tabloids will reveal
It's off because she got too fat

I will insert the very wildest
Photograph of her in Screw
Listen! These are just the mildest
Things that I intend to do.